The Inheritance of Loss Part II

I've wanted to write this blog for awhile (since the day after my original post on this topic), and I've put it off for two reasons. 1.) My internet got shut off, and I haven't had a chance to get it restored yet. 2.) I think that my original post reflected what I needed to say at the time, although it wasn't exactly what I wanted to say when I started writing it.

First of all, I didn't exactly exPLAIN what it was that I wasn't going to do in my current blog that I had done in previous blogs and that is write about quotes and songs and stuff that inspires me or touches me in some way. It was sort of a trademark of my other blog, and although it was a helpful tool to get me writing at times, it sort of became a crutch, so I was trying to avoid the practice, but I've decided that hey, it's my blog, and I can write about what I want.

Secondly, what I wrote is true, or WAS true at the time I wrote it. What is equally true is that the passage I included in that post is much more meaningful than I indicated and is about more than just some silly drama between two individuals, although it is about that as well.

On that particular day, the passage burrowed into my heart for the reason I previously stated, but I think that it resonated with me on a deeper level too. There is this "spiritual" element to my life that I've recently been attempting to examine. For a long time, I shunned the whole concept of god, religion, spirituality, and anything having to do with those topics because I had decided that I really didn't believe in any of it. And I still don't - at least not in the "traditional" (read Judeo-Christian) sense.

But I have decided that there is a possibility that I rejected the entire concept too hastily instead of simply modifying my initial idea of - you know - god thing.

I've kind of started to direct my energy at the universe and see what happens. So far, so good. It's not like I'm praying, or maybe I am, but I think I've just been trying to channel my energy in ways that I think are productive and focus my thoughts on those types of things as well - some people have referenced The Secret when I've discussed it with them, but I've never read The Secret nor have I seen the film, so I'm not sure it's the same thing, but regardless, I think it works for me.

But the fact remains that this particular passage from The Inheritance of Loss is still pertinent. There is just too much complexity in this world for things to make sense on a small scale to one person - at least to make sense in our made-up view of how justice works. Justice may actually exist, but the chances that we will be around to see it in action are pretty much nil.

As far as the relationship I referenced goes, I haven't decided to end it. Not really. To a certain extent, I've made the decision not to think about it as a complete entity yet, but I'm not letting that ruin my life either.

For the time being, I'm just hoping it's on hold. Maybe it's just that I can't see the big picture yet. Maybe I'm in denial. But I'm just not ready to make a decision that final.

I've always had this vision in my mind of how relationships work: everyone is born in a little canoe, and we are all floating downstream in our canoes. We may like to think that we are in charge of rowing, but ultimately, the current of the stream is just too strong for us to control. The stream takes us where it will. Sometimes we float alongside someone for a long time and when the river steers us off in a different direction, we may resist it. But the more we resist the current, the more we struggle against it, the weaker we will become and eventually we will not be able to see the path we are meant to be on because all our energy is focused on trying to catch someone else's drift. I think it's very difficult to stay in your canoe facing forward when faced with this situation. It's hard to remember the beauty of the stream itself. If the river decides, the canoes will eventually float back together. Until then all we can do is enjoy it.

Return from Hiatus OR The Best Vacation EVER

Hello my dear friend(s). I am back from vacation, which incidentally was a vacation from blogging as well.

I was fortunate enough to have been able to take a trip to New Hampshire to visit my cousins and aunt and uncle and then travel on to Prince Edward Island, Canada.

To some people this might seem like a fairly boring vacation, but to me, that was the allure of it. For someone who has consistently been working at a job she hates for the last three months while trying to supplement her meager income by working part time for her father in the suburbs, generally resulting in a seven day work week, the lack of excitement was definitely the draw.

On the 31st of July, I left for New Hampshire and as soon as I got there, everything seemed instantly more enjoyable. I sat around and drank coffee all day, I read books, I listened to music, I debated the relative benefits of songs from Avenue Q (multiple times). I ate delicious New Hampshire food and walked around Manchester. I was able to view my cousin, Laura's films that she had completed throughout her junior year at Keene's film school (they were awesome - especially the claymation one). I got to hear all about my cousin, Alison's year of teaching English in China, which included many adventures, I agreed and disagreed with my cousin, Jade, on many issues, and I was able to see my cousin, Julia, play violin in a concert at her band camp (and also got a private concert in the living room while she practiced piano).

I got to have ice cream at Goldenrod. For those of you who have never had this distinct pleasure, I am sorry for you.

On Sunday the 2nd, we all piled in a van (pretty typical of my family) and made the long drive up to Prince Edward Island. We scared the customs officer.

When we finally arrived there, we were so happy to be out of the car after twelve hours of driving that we all decided to get back in the van and drive an hour to Charlottetown so that we could get Subway. Then we went back to the cabin to watch Anne of Green Gables on Wonderworks.

The next few days went by far too quickly, but I have decided that PEI just might be the most beautiful, natural, and peaceful place I've ever been. The potatoes there are the best I've ever tasted, everyone is friendly, and the scenery is absolutely breathtaking. I don't think I could let another fourteen years of my life pass without going back there.

One morning my sister and I got up early and went for a walk down the red sand streets and over the hills. We wandered around for about an hour and ended up behind someone's farm house. Standing there at the top of the hill looking at the old house and acres upon acres of nothing but plants and trees, I felt like I had traveled back in time. I never wanted to leave.

We came back down to New Hampshire and spent the next few days watching TV and going to the mall and checking out a Fisher Cats game (New Hampshire's minor league baseball team). It just reminded me of how much I miss the Northeast. Something about being there took me back to my childhood and to what I'm really like.

But coming home has reminded me that I can be happy here as well. And even during the commute downtown today on the crowded El train with all the crazy Chicagoans, I smiled to myself and thought what a beautiful day it was going to be.

In Bruges - A Vintage Post

This post is actually one that I wrote quite awhile ago, but never quite finished. I pulled it ouf of the unpublished archive this evening, because I knew I had to post something, but couldn't quite make it work. So here is my first foray into Vintage Blogging:

I suppose this is officially my first blog post, because the others were kind of just an obligation I had to fulfill. For the time being, I'll probably be writing about fairly simple things being that I have neither the time nor the internet connection to be blogging constantly, but as part of my personal well-being, I need to have some sort of creative outlet, and so blogging it is.

Being that it is awards season, I've been watching a lot more movies than I normally would during the year, and in fact, prior to the last three weeks, I honestly can't remember the last film I saw in the theater. Recently, I've seen Revolutionary Road, Milk, and Slumdog Millionaire in the theater, and I began to remember how much I absolutely love movies in general, and movies in the theater specifically. But despite all that, I must admit that my favorite movie of 2008 (that I've seen so far, of course) is In Bruges.

This one I watched in the comfort of my own home, and I deeply regret that I didn't get a chance to see it in the theater. It is one of the finest black comedies I've ever seen, and the performances were stunning, particularly Colin Farrell, who plays a very confused hit man stuck in a small town in Belgium.

As unrealistic as the premise was, two hit men sent to Bruges to lay low after a job went wrong, the writing and the range of human emotion was spot on. I can hardly describe the plot without giving anything away, but if you haven't seen it, please do.

This film brought a little bit of magic into my life, and sometimes it is hard to remember that magic is afoot.