Is Everyone a Little Bit Racist? (OR This Post Has Been Killing Me For Awhile...)

There is an ongoing argument in my family regarding a song from the musical Avenue Q titled "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist." This song has been the subject of much debate for several years now as a result of its obviously controversial lyrics. Half of the family thinks that it's offensive and that it only serves to perpetuate racism in its failure to recognize the seriousness of the issue it addresses. The other half of the family thinks it is a funny song that is part of a funny play, and the whole point of the song is to help people lighten up a little bit in order to be able to discuss the subject of racism without feeling that its a taboo subject.

The lyrics are below - please keep in mind that it is a musical, so the format of the art is somewhat compromised by the fact that you can't hear the accompanying music. Also, the colors of the words are for the purposes of distinguishing one character's lines from another's. I could've also used different fonts, but I was lazy. The colors in no way correspond to my feelings about one character's race or another.

The only reason I'm including the lyrics here is so that those who are not familiar with the play can understand the reason behind the debate and also so that my personal shortened interpretation does not bias the reader in his or her opinion of the song, which is as follows :

Princeton: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Kate Monster: Sure!

Princeton: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Kate Monster: Uh huh.

Princeton: Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

Kate Monster: Right.

Princeton: You're both Monsters.

Kate Monster: Yeah.

Princeton: Are you two related?

Kate Monster: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

Princeton: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Kate Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?

Princeton: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.

Kate Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.

Princeton: Well, look who's talking!

Kate Monster: What do you mean?

Princeton: What about that special Monster School you told me about?

Kate Monster: What about it?

Princeton: Could someone like me go there

Kate Monster: No, we don't want people like you -

Princeton: You see?! You're a little bit racist.

Kate Monster: Well, you're a little bit too.

Princeton: I guess we're both a little bit racist.

Kate Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

Princeton: But I guess it's true.

Kate Monster: Between me and you, I think

Both: Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find no one's really color blind. Maybe it's a fact we all should face everyone makes judgments based on race.

Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from -

Kate Monster: No!

Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Kate Monster: Right!

Both: Everyone's a little bit racist today. So, everyone's a little bit racist. Okay! Ethnic jokes might be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth. Don't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them - so relax!

Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

Kate Monster: Okay!

Princeton: There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute - And there's a rabbi, a priest...

Kate Monster: And a black guy!

Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

Kate Monster: Uh...

Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke!

Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.

Gary Coleman: I don't.

Princeton: Well, of course you don't - you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right.

Kate Monster: You're a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman: Well, you're a little bit too.

Princeton: We're all a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman: I think that I would have to agree with you.

Princeton/Kate Monster: We're glad you do.

Gary Coleman: It's sad but true! Everyone's a little bit racist -All right!

Kate Monster: All right!

Princeton: All right!

Gary Coleman: All right! Bigotry has never been exclusively white

All: If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong, maybe it would help us get along.

Princeton: Oh, Christ do I feel good.

Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Princeton: Who?

Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.

Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.

Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Princeton: Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

All: (Laugh)

Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Gary Coleman: Racism!

Brian: Cool.

Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!

Princeton: What's that mean?

Brian: Um, recyclables.

(All laughing)

Brian: Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?

Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian! Everyone's a little bit racist.

Brian: I'm not!

Princeton: Oh no?

Brian: Nope! How many Oriental wives have you got?

Christmas Eve: What? Blian!

Princeton: Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!

Christmas Eve: I know you are no intending to be, but calling me Oriental - offensive to me!

Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

Christmas Eve: And I rove you.

Brian: But you're racist, too.

Christmas Eve: Yes, I know. The Jews have all the money, and the whites have all the power, and I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!

Princeton: Me too!

Kate Monster: Me too!

Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi!

All: Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true, but everyone is just about as racist as you! If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, and everyone stopped being so PC, maybe we could live in - harmony!

Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

And now for the weigh in : CLEARly this song is a little bit racist. I don't think that is an arguable fact (and since I'm in charge of this blog, it won't be a point that is argued - not to mention the fact that very few people read it).  I've been trying to finish this paragraph for awhile, and I think part of the reason is that I can see the argument from both sides (of course I can - I'm a Libra).  But the fact of the matter is that "everyone makes judgments based on race," at least everyone I know does.  I can't count the number of discussions I've had with my friends of all backgrounds and races who have made comments about their race or someone else's race based on their experiences or the opinions of others.

Does it mean that we're all a little bit racist?  Maybe.  But I've found as I've gotten older and had more of these discussions that the more I talk about the topic of race with people - particularly those who are a different race from me - that every conversation brings about a little more understanding about the people with whom I'm speaking.  Because I get an idea of who they are, where they come from, and their personal opinions on the matter and other matters.

In short I've become closer to the people around me as a result of bridging the gap of the "race" taboo. 

Communication of any kind can help people come to a greater understanding of the overall picture of any topic.  So no matter how improperly worded the song may be, I believe the aim of it is to open up conversations, and yes, even arguments on the subject of race.  Because if the topic remains taboo, no understanding will ever be met. 

Yeah, I'm ready.  Bring on the comments....

Teddy Bear Picnics OR An Extended Metaphor for Getting to the Bottom of an Existential Crisis

Coming back to life after a long hibernation takes a lot of committment. Most creatures think that once springtime rolls around, the bears and bees and birds are suddenly skipping through green fields full of wildflowers after a long and peaceful nap.

And honestly I'm not sure if this is the case or if it isn't, but for the purpose of this post, we'll assume that waking from hibernation is a long, arduous and potentially painful process during which the bears think to themselves, "remind me again why I can't just stay asleep? I was warm and comfortable and I was having this great dream where I was standing underneath this waterfall thing - only instead of water, honey was flowing over the edge of the cliff above - a honey-fall, HA! and I was standing under it, and like the whole sky was full of golden honey and the whole world smelled and tasted oh-so-sweet!!! So anyway, what I really want to do is close my eyes and go back to sleep so I can smell and taste some more of that sweet, golden sky. It's hard out there anyway. The spring isn't all it's cracked up to be with people always cutting down my favorite trees and bees always hanging around and getting in my fur and forest fires, you know, the list goes on. This year I think I'm just gonna stay right here in my cave. Going out is over *yawn* rated."

So there he stays.

But try as he might, he can't quite recreate that honey-fall dream he was having. He keeps hearing shouts and laughter from all those teddy bears having picnics outside. The birds keep chirping and the bees keep buzzing, and pretty soon he starts to realize his dream is of venturing back out to see the blue sky and smell the flowers. And how exciting would it be if he could terrorize some of those bastards who are always starting fires in his forest and cutting down his favorite trees?

Yeah, that would be great.

But the cave is still pretty comfy, and it's so bright out there. He's not sure if he remembers how to do all that terrorizing and he's not really sure he remembers how to act at the teddy bear picnics. It's been so long since he's been invited, maybe some things have changed. "What if I'm just not good at it anymore?" he asks himself.

Nevertheless, he thinks maybe he should just sniff out the situation. They're cookin' up something good at that picnic.

If you were a bee in that wildflower meadow on that day, you would see the slightest touch of black emerging from a cave ever-so-slowly and think to yourself, "what the....??"

Blinking in the sunlight, the bear finally pokes his head out of the cave and is amazed at all the hulabaloo around him. It seems like people are having fun (you know, bears, that is) and all the birds are singing and bees are landing on flowers, etc. So much commotion, though, after such a long winter is hardly what he had in mind. He really had wanted to find a soft and quiet spot underneath a tree to enjoy something refreshing and juicy. Maybe he could just tiptoe through the picnic, pick up a snack and then sit over in the corner without being noticed too much. Inching over toward the food table, he heads for the bear equivalent of potato salad when his old friend shows up and starts grilling him (metaphorically) for answers. "Dude, it's been a long time. Where you been? I was starting to think maybe you got locked up or something. Haven't seen you since last fall. You missed some killer parties. You should see the new cubs hanging out around here. You would not believe their....." Our bear has kind of stopped listening and is looking for his exit. He makes a quick excuse about being late for something or other or forgetting to turn off the space heater and quickly heads back toward the cave.

Whoa. That was a LITTLE overwhelming for the first time out of the cave. He really didn't expect to have to answer so many questions and feel so cornered on all sides. Maybe he really isn't ready for this. Maybe he should just try to keep his head down and be a quiet observer for awhile.

*sigh*

Well, we all know how that turns out. After a few weeks, he really starts to think about how much fun he is missing. His friend was just concerned is all, and really, he wouldn't mind seeing what it is that's so special about all the young cubs. Hmmm. Maybe he should just try once more.

The perfect opportunity arises later that week when his buddy comes over to the cave and tells him they're going to have a midnight picnic this time, and "dude, if you miss this party, you will regret it for the rest of your life. There is this one cub, Susie, and she is just the type of girl you've been waiting to meet. So make sure you take a bath or something."

Yeah, he thinks. This could be kinda fun. I know how to do this. It's just like riding a bike. All I have to do is go outside the cave. And talk. Just like thinking - only out loud. Okay. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go meet Susie.

But there are butterflies in his tummy. No, it's just the clover he ate for lunch. It always gives him indigestion. But still he hasn't done this in awhile. What if he embarrasses himself? Shut up! He's going. How bad could it be? Yeah....how bad could it be? After all, he can't hibernate forever.

Right?

Naked Blogging - Punishment

I haven't been punishing myself enough lately by writing on my blog. I've given myself a break from hanging out in front of the computer screen, and it hasn't really done me much good.

Seriously, this is a well-deserved flogging, because it's 1 am before a day on which I have to be at work at 9:30 and go out to celebrate my friend's 30th birthday.

I'm supposed to look phenomenal at this party as well, because there is a good chance there will be attractive single men there.

And yet here I am on my blog - a somewhat unglamorous task trying to drag something interesting from my brain out through my fingertips, and let's face it - it's not working.

A few things I can write about and probably won't:

My stomach is growling because all I've put in it since the quesadillas at lunch has been three Jim Beam and Diet Caffeine-Free Cokes.

Newspaper clippings sure do bring back memories.

How much shit can pile up on my desk next to my computer before 1.) I decide to organize it or 2.) it actually falls over?

Sub-question - if organizing it were so important, why would I be wondering how long I could keep the pile going before it would fall over?

Why do I feel the need to push the limits of everything in my life including junk mail?

I wonder how late I can stay up tonight and still not feel like complete garbage tomorrow morning?

Pretty sure I'm past that point already.