Teddy Bear Picnics OR An Extended Metaphor for Getting to the Bottom of an Existential Crisis

Coming back to life after a long hibernation takes a lot of committment. Most creatures think that once springtime rolls around, the bears and bees and birds are suddenly skipping through green fields full of wildflowers after a long and peaceful nap.

And honestly I'm not sure if this is the case or if it isn't, but for the purpose of this post, we'll assume that waking from hibernation is a long, arduous and potentially painful process during which the bears think to themselves, "remind me again why I can't just stay asleep? I was warm and comfortable and I was having this great dream where I was standing underneath this waterfall thing - only instead of water, honey was flowing over the edge of the cliff above - a honey-fall, HA! and I was standing under it, and like the whole sky was full of golden honey and the whole world smelled and tasted oh-so-sweet!!! So anyway, what I really want to do is close my eyes and go back to sleep so I can smell and taste some more of that sweet, golden sky. It's hard out there anyway. The spring isn't all it's cracked up to be with people always cutting down my favorite trees and bees always hanging around and getting in my fur and forest fires, you know, the list goes on. This year I think I'm just gonna stay right here in my cave. Going out is over *yawn* rated."

So there he stays.

But try as he might, he can't quite recreate that honey-fall dream he was having. He keeps hearing shouts and laughter from all those teddy bears having picnics outside. The birds keep chirping and the bees keep buzzing, and pretty soon he starts to realize his dream is of venturing back out to see the blue sky and smell the flowers. And how exciting would it be if he could terrorize some of those bastards who are always starting fires in his forest and cutting down his favorite trees?

Yeah, that would be great.

But the cave is still pretty comfy, and it's so bright out there. He's not sure if he remembers how to do all that terrorizing and he's not really sure he remembers how to act at the teddy bear picnics. It's been so long since he's been invited, maybe some things have changed. "What if I'm just not good at it anymore?" he asks himself.

Nevertheless, he thinks maybe he should just sniff out the situation. They're cookin' up something good at that picnic.

If you were a bee in that wildflower meadow on that day, you would see the slightest touch of black emerging from a cave ever-so-slowly and think to yourself, "what the....??"

Blinking in the sunlight, the bear finally pokes his head out of the cave and is amazed at all the hulabaloo around him. It seems like people are having fun (you know, bears, that is) and all the birds are singing and bees are landing on flowers, etc. So much commotion, though, after such a long winter is hardly what he had in mind. He really had wanted to find a soft and quiet spot underneath a tree to enjoy something refreshing and juicy. Maybe he could just tiptoe through the picnic, pick up a snack and then sit over in the corner without being noticed too much. Inching over toward the food table, he heads for the bear equivalent of potato salad when his old friend shows up and starts grilling him (metaphorically) for answers. "Dude, it's been a long time. Where you been? I was starting to think maybe you got locked up or something. Haven't seen you since last fall. You missed some killer parties. You should see the new cubs hanging out around here. You would not believe their....." Our bear has kind of stopped listening and is looking for his exit. He makes a quick excuse about being late for something or other or forgetting to turn off the space heater and quickly heads back toward the cave.

Whoa. That was a LITTLE overwhelming for the first time out of the cave. He really didn't expect to have to answer so many questions and feel so cornered on all sides. Maybe he really isn't ready for this. Maybe he should just try to keep his head down and be a quiet observer for awhile.

*sigh*

Well, we all know how that turns out. After a few weeks, he really starts to think about how much fun he is missing. His friend was just concerned is all, and really, he wouldn't mind seeing what it is that's so special about all the young cubs. Hmmm. Maybe he should just try once more.

The perfect opportunity arises later that week when his buddy comes over to the cave and tells him they're going to have a midnight picnic this time, and "dude, if you miss this party, you will regret it for the rest of your life. There is this one cub, Susie, and she is just the type of girl you've been waiting to meet. So make sure you take a bath or something."

Yeah, he thinks. This could be kinda fun. I know how to do this. It's just like riding a bike. All I have to do is go outside the cave. And talk. Just like thinking - only out loud. Okay. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go meet Susie.

But there are butterflies in his tummy. No, it's just the clover he ate for lunch. It always gives him indigestion. But still he hasn't done this in awhile. What if he embarrasses himself? Shut up! He's going. How bad could it be? Yeah....how bad could it be? After all, he can't hibernate forever.

Right?